Unacustomed as I am to making speeches
They couldn't have found a tighter pair of breeches
I'm supposed to tell you all just what I'm here for
I'm supposed to tell you I am and therefore
It's best for me to skip the boring part
And start right from the start

My great, great, great, great, great, great
Great, great, great Grandfather
Came over with a conqueror name of Bill
He pinched a bow and arrow
From an arrow sellers barrow
Shot Harold in the eye on Hastings Hill

In the eye on Hastings Hill
What a guy, if looks could kill

My great, great, great, great, great, great
Great, great Grandfather
Enlisted with a fellow named Robin Hood
The Knights were off crusading
While the maidens he went raiding
All the castles in the Sherwood neighbourhood

On a raid, he snatched a maid
And I'm afraid, the maiden stayed

Our family tree, is a bit of a mystery
The roots are pretty shaky
And the leaves are turning brown
But nobody ever had the nerve
To cut it down

My great, great, great
Great, great, great Grandfather
Was bowling with his mate Sir Francis Drake
They shouted out Amarda
So they started bowling harder
He was in the middle of a winning break

Couldn't spoil, his winning break
Though the country was at stake

My great, great, great
Great, great Grandfather
Took no on the bounce from Charles the first
And to this day they tell us
There's a pile down in the cellars
Of oranges that quench the family thirst

What a vice, the family thirst
Wait for it, you ain't heard the worst

Our family tree, is a bit of a mystery
The roots are pretty shaky
And the leaves are turning brown
But nobody ever had the nerve
To cut it down

My great, great, great, great Grandfather
The less we say about him the better
My great, great Grandfather
Ran off with a Duchess' maid
The day that he met her

They had a son, the only one
Although they wanted three
As a nutty as a fruitcake
That they had for Sunday tea
And he turned out to be

My great Grandfather
Whose picture hangs on the wall in the family hall
It's looking down with a shocking frown
As if to say nothing out of the way
Ever happened at all

Our family tree, is a bit of a mystery
The roots are pretty shaky
And the leaves are turning brown
But nobody ever had the nerve
Nobody ever had the nerve
Nobody ever had the nerve
To cut it down.
